Taking a forced rest from studies to give thanks to the people that have been around me in the hardest year of my life.
2011 was no picnic for me, I broke free to my own world, dropped down what was a wonderful past before I grow up, and realize the mess I was in. Reflecting on before December 2010 I would say, it was a colossal fuck up.
I Had moved around from city to another in search for my salvation, was broke for most of it,
my options were less than minimum. I couldn't see far behind my eyes, my brains was going throw all that trauma I've been through. I lost what I consider the essence of life, the only thing a man live to be proud of. But for me it went the other way, I became the man I am proud of, taking a stand, standing for my believe, when all hell on earth broke loose I didn't change, I didn't bend over and said yeah fuck me, it's cool. No it wasn't cool, back off bitch. For that I paid a very high price. I am not regretting a single thing I did coming in this year, and for that I hold my head up high. There is nothing I've done that I am ashamed of.
During this year I had several breakdowns, caused by an unknown muscle disorders started from February until late July. I thought I was having strokes but test results didn't show anything. Beside that I had a nervous breakdown, the thing that turned my head around and made me see, because at that night I hit rock bottom, There was nothing more below. Yes I went crazy, officially crazy... for a night, that I don't remember much of it after being admitted into the hospital. Later I started on a medicine and I've seen consultation that helped me through, they were right and knew what went into me. They fixed me a short term job which helped me regain full health, since I started working in August, I've never been so happy, gained almost 15Kg after been on the same weight for more than 10 years. After that I became very healthy, my goals became clear and I planned, worked on, and started to get results. This bit may come as a shock to a lot of my friends and dear ones, some of you witnessed some events, after that I kept everything to myself, because I was hurting you with me.
The highlight of 2011 that stroke me down is the death of some friends and family members. The most effective one was the death of my mentor, Ihab, I wanted to be there when they put you down to the earth you loved so much, but I still had 5 months ban on entering Jordan from the 2 years ban that I previously got. I never told you thank you for all the things you taught me, the things you learned me, the philosophy and all about life. Someday I will. Someday I promise you.
On that note, I would like to thank a special lady in my life I can't say her name but she knows her self, she took me under her wings for the first 5 months of this year, shared with me her salt and bread, sometimes her clothes lol, I mean her gloves :D. You my friend, I've had the pleasure to know you for more than 6 years. If I had one kidney and you needed a transplant I will give mine to you. I would give you my lever, share my lungs and give away my Bone Marrow for you. I owe my life for you.
My Dearest friends Noor & Wissam: you guys stood by me when I hit rock bottom, most important of all you tolerate me lots when I get all philosophic on you :D there is no word to describe how grateful I am to you, I owe you a huge tap, I just wish I have the full life time to repay you, and I know you both are very preserved about sharing with the world, so am gonna keep it between us and stop at the recognition of your good will to me. I will write that part in Arabic just for your عيون.
2011 was no picnic for me, I broke free to my own world, dropped down what was a wonderful past before I grow up, and realize the mess I was in. Reflecting on before December 2010 I would say, it was a colossal fuck up.
I Had moved around from city to another in search for my salvation, was broke for most of it,
my options were less than minimum. I couldn't see far behind my eyes, my brains was going throw all that trauma I've been through. I lost what I consider the essence of life, the only thing a man live to be proud of. But for me it went the other way, I became the man I am proud of, taking a stand, standing for my believe, when all hell on earth broke loose I didn't change, I didn't bend over and said yeah fuck me, it's cool. No it wasn't cool, back off bitch. For that I paid a very high price. I am not regretting a single thing I did coming in this year, and for that I hold my head up high. There is nothing I've done that I am ashamed of.
During this year I had several breakdowns, caused by an unknown muscle disorders started from February until late July. I thought I was having strokes but test results didn't show anything. Beside that I had a nervous breakdown, the thing that turned my head around and made me see, because at that night I hit rock bottom, There was nothing more below. Yes I went crazy, officially crazy... for a night, that I don't remember much of it after being admitted into the hospital. Later I started on a medicine and I've seen consultation that helped me through, they were right and knew what went into me. They fixed me a short term job which helped me regain full health, since I started working in August, I've never been so happy, gained almost 15Kg after been on the same weight for more than 10 years. After that I became very healthy, my goals became clear and I planned, worked on, and started to get results. This bit may come as a shock to a lot of my friends and dear ones, some of you witnessed some events, after that I kept everything to myself, because I was hurting you with me.
The highlight of 2011 that stroke me down is the death of some friends and family members. The most effective one was the death of my mentor, Ihab, I wanted to be there when they put you down to the earth you loved so much, but I still had 5 months ban on entering Jordan from the 2 years ban that I previously got. I never told you thank you for all the things you taught me, the things you learned me, the philosophy and all about life. Someday I will. Someday I promise you.
On that note, I would like to thank a special lady in my life I can't say her name but she knows her self, she took me under her wings for the first 5 months of this year, shared with me her salt and bread, sometimes her clothes lol, I mean her gloves :D. You my friend, I've had the pleasure to know you for more than 6 years. If I had one kidney and you needed a transplant I will give mine to you. I would give you my lever, share my lungs and give away my Bone Marrow for you. I owe my life for you.
My Dearest friends Noor & Wissam: you guys stood by me when I hit rock bottom, most important of all you tolerate me lots when I get all philosophic on you :D there is no word to describe how grateful I am to you, I owe you a huge tap, I just wish I have the full life time to repay you, and I know you both are very preserved about sharing with the world, so am gonna keep it between us and stop at the recognition of your good will to me. I will write that part in Arabic just for your عيون.
الأصدقاء الأعز نور ووسام : أنتم كنتم خير من يقف بجانبي في محنتي حين مررتُ بفترة الإنهيار التام, والأهم من ذلك أنكم تتحملون فلسفاتي الزائدة :D تعجز الكلمات عن وصف عميق إمتناني لكما وكمية الدين الهائل الذي أدين لكُما به. أتمنى فقط أن أملُك العُمر الكافي لسداده. وأعلم انكما متحفظان بعض الشئ حيال مشاركة بعض الأحداث مع الآخرين ولذلك سأتُوقف هُنا و أكتفي بالإعتراف بجميليكما. أنتم بالنسبة لي أكثر من إخوة.
In this year I removed lots of "friends" for all the different reasons, I wish I don't lose more in 2012 because people are going crazy with the shit the pull these days. And to all that I've hurt, please forgive me. And for those whom have hurt me, never forgotten - never forgiven, because I gave you my trust and you throw it down the toilet.
The real wish that I wish for this year is that bloody blood path in our countries stops, Iraq, Palestine, Syria, Yemen, Bahrain, Egypt, Libya, Somalia, Kurdistan, and all over the struggling world. Humans worth, I swear they do.
And to end with clarification, I started using twitter to express what's on my mind, not to the lack of real people to talk to neither loneliness, but for the sake of keeping my tempers low. You see, Facebook is a place where I keep my friends contact and all my pictures in case I fried another hard drive.And this blog is to put ink on some stuff I want to concrete for the main time. As for twitter, it is for those lashes and screams that you wish you have an empty room just to do them, it releases all the negative energy into the unknown random digital world. And since I am a guy, no one will notice, a win win situation for me. So if you have a problem with that, F you :) :* it's my life!.
No celebration this year, same as last year (Except the part where we got drunk and went on the streets), Same as the year before than when Gaza was bombed, Same as 2008 , 2007 ,2006 ,2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001. For all type of reasons. New years eve should be fun, party with the world, but each of us have his own circumstances. And on that note, I wish you all a better year 2012 not just a happy new year (1 night)
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